birthday feelings

Well, it's that time of year again - my birthday! I always have mixed feelings around this time b/c while it is my birthday, there are also sad memories that come with it. Exactly ten years ago today one of my best friends died. I always think about this, but for some reason this year is exceptionally hard. I should be "over it" by now, but I keep thinking "Where would she be today?" "What would she be doing?" "Would she be married?" and so much more... Then I remember so many things about our friendship - good and bad. I remember the first time I met her and thought she was "such a baby" b/c she was still sucking her thumb, but after about 30 minutes we were inseparable. I remember going to her house and riding horses and playing with all her dogs. I remember playing "house" all the time and arguing over who had to be the dad. I remember making presents for each other at Christmas. I remember taking Valentine's Day pictures with her one year b/c it was supposed to be a family picture but her parents were fighting. I remember getting soo angry at her when she would try to tell me I couldn't have any other friends but then she'd ignore me. I remember being so worried about her parents and how they treated her. I remember her struggle with not eating. I remember some of the horrible decisisons we made together and things we did. I remember the cards, and phone calls, and "make-up" gifts we always gave each other after fighting. And then I remember her funeral and the misery after. I've never hurt that much in my life. But then I remember the amazing healing power of Christ slowly coming into my life and, after many years, slowly putting my heart back together. So now, ten years down the road, I don't question God with why, I just remember and thank God for bringing her into my life and ask that he would be with her family today. The verse that comes to mind today is Psalm 40:2-3 which says "He brought me out of the pit..., out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock...He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God."